I recently received an e-mail about my previous post in regards to "preemie moms verses full term moms".
I am writing this post because I feel I need to clarify with everyone that when I wrote of these "full term moms" that I had met, I was not referring to ALL full term moms out there.
I know a lot of mother's who have given birth to full term babies and they are exceptional mother's. I spoke of this because this was what I had witnessed on this particular day and on other occasions as well.
I'm sure that even a woman who has given birth to a perfectly healthy term baby has had encounters with other mother's that were not so pleasant. I guess I just notice these type of people more because of the experience I have been through with my own children. I can also say that I'm sure I have been judged on several occasions as well and labelled as being "Too over protective of my girl's". I AM AND I ADMIT IT. I am actually extremely overprotective of them. If their birth had of been different, maybe I would be different.
But...
-I am a mother who gave birth three months too soon.
-A mother who watched their children fight to stay alive night and day.
-A mother who spent hours pleading with God to give them a chance at some type of life.
-A mother who was asked if I wanted to have a DNR signed if Olivia crashed because they didn't think she was strong enough to make it.
-A mother who had to donate blood so both of my children could receive a blood transfusion.
- A mother who two years later is still dealing with my children's prematurity.
A mother who is waiting an Autism/Asperger's assessment due to prematurity.
-A mother who has lost friends because I had too many "rules and regulations" about visitors at my house.
-I am a mother who has been through a lot!
As Billie recently wrote in her most recent post "I cannot pick and choose my audience of readers" I now know exactly what she means by that. This does not mean that I will stop saying my opinion if I have one.
Like I said before at the beginning, WE have all witnessed parent's handle a situation in an inappropriate way, and every time I see this I always think to myself "I wonder if they would scream, yell, and roll their eyes at their child if they went through what myself and many other's have gone through". I appreciate every single breath that my children take because I know the other side of things. I know the feeling of possibly losing my child to prematurity. This doesn't mean that a full term mother doesn't appreciate their kids less than I do. It just means that I see certain things differently than others. If I had insulted ALL full term moms than I would be insulting women who are a part of my family as well. But that's not the case.
I honestly don't think that what I said was offensive. It was what I saw and how I felt. Once again, I never said ALL mother's of full term babies are inattentive. I said the one's I saw on that particular day were.
So I'll leave it at that. I think I've set the record straight!
5 comments:
Shannon, you don't have to prove to ANYONE why you said what you said! Some people just don't understand and they never will. So much drama :)
Why is it as parents of preemies we are always having to clarify ourselves?
I work with youth who have been abused/neglected by their parents. It makes me furious. I see parents taking everything for granted and hurting their children, not once realizing how grateful they should feel to have their children.
We are not saying every parent other than us preemie parents are bad parents. You didn't come across that way in the least in your post. I'm surprised you were emailed about it.
We are always having to defend ourselves. We have to defend ourselves against those who disagree with resuscitation and believe in complete comfort care before a certain gestation. We don't want to hurt others by celebrating milestones when we know others may never be able to do these things (even between my twins there is a big difference in development...I'm not more proud of Serena b/c she is doing things Edwin isn't.) I find myself always justifying my decisions, and reminding my readers that I will always love and be thankful for my children no matter what.
Two different people:
"You were told your child had about an 80% chance of having significant to severe disabilities and you still chose to continue treatment?" JUDGEMENT
"You made your child a DNR? You gave up on your baby?" JUDGEMENT
We walk a fine line.
I am a mother of 23 weekers. Logan and Olivia were born on August 27, 2007. My sweet baby boy, Logan passed away on Sept. 28th. You can read their story at oliviaandlogan.blogspot.com. May God bless all of us who have to endure the premature birth of our children.
Jodi
I wanted to add a note on here re: full term/preemie. I am a mother of 2 who were both full term. However my little boy who is 2 1/2 was always small. Our local hosp. always said he looked like a pre-term baby. He was born at 6lbs. I was defending my litte Gannon from day one. He had to undergo his 1st surgery at 9mo. Followed by 2 in the same month. Yet we still don't have the problem fixed. So he will have another surgery next yr. I am also waiting for the eval from a local dr to see if he has Autism. Gannon has had rsv twice, rota virus...breathing problems, tonsil.anoid removal..you name it. He is over 1 yr behind, and I can KINDA relate. NOt 100% because he was born full term...everyday I battle for his health and future. I wanted to comment because I DO agree other MOM's out there just seem, they don't care as much as a MOM who has been in the hospital for months or have had to see their precious child suffer and fight for their life. All we can do is pray for the children. My little girl was full term, but yet was put back in the hosp. at 10 days old. I have never felt so empty, she was only in there for 1 week, but it felt like forever. So I have the UP MOSt respect to YOU mothers of Micro-preemies. I have only seen a glimpse of what you guys have gone thru. Mothers such as yourselves are AMAZING!!! God Bless you ALL!!
Sherri
Sherri:
Thank you so much for sharing.
Your right, no parent should ever have to watch their child suffer whether they are a preemie or not.
I was told by one commenter that it seemed as though I was in a competition. I must say that this is one competition I didn't sign up for. I always knew having a child would bring on endless worries, but never did I realize that the "typical" worries would seem so simple compared to worrying about whether my children were going to come home or not. Or the sleepless nights I still have because I haven't been able to block out our NICU experience. It's always nice to talk to mother's who can relate.
I wish you all the best, and hope you find some answers for your son.
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